A Happy You is A Happy Life

The importance of empathy

How stress affects your brain

5 Steps to Happiness

You Are Unstoppable

I wanted to share this with you because the speeches in it got me thinking for the better. It was exactly what I was needing. This goes so much deeper than equestrianism. Even if you're not into horses, just listen.. & Yes, I made this video, but I do not own the clips or audio.

Posted by Kaitlyn Brooke on Wednesday, December 9, 2015

A Very Happy Brain

Live Interview

IQ vs. EQ with Daniel Goleman

The Happy Secret to Better Work

Posts in category Personal Development

Vulnerability – Living Brave



Brené Brown
May 4 at 11:03am ·
“I’ve realized that one of the most unkind things I can do to somebody is to put them on a pedestal because very soon, inevitably, they’re going to do something that’s going to knock them off it, and then I’m going to have a lot of trouble with that because I really needed you to be something else. And that’s inhumane.” –Elizabeth Gilbert

Check out this #LivingBrave interview with Elizabeth Gilbert—bestselling author of Eat, Pray, Love and Big Magic!

Lighten Up Light Up Your Voice 4th Annual Women’s Conference & Retreat



18 Things NOT To Say To Someone Who Has Lost a Loved One



It is very important to both the griever and the friends to read this article. When someone is hurting, most of us only want to comfort them. However, in our efforts of doing so, quite the opposite can happen.  Be aware of traditional cliches and the possibility of offending your family or friend.  Read on and learn my top 18 things NOT to say to someone who is grieving.

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1.  “I know how you feel” – even if you have had a similar loss, you really do not know. As each person is unique and individual so is the grief journey.
 
2.  “It’s just God’s plan/will” – some griever’s feel very disconnected from their faith, mad at their God and even feel like they are being punished and saying this could make things much worse; some griever’s may have a different belief system than you. 
 
3.  “Just look at all the things you have to be thankful for” TIMING people. I am the first one to be positive and find the silver lining and TIMING is so important. This can be very hurtful and detrimental to the healing process. A griever must FEEL to HEAL. Distracting or redirecting them prompts them to NOT FEEL the sadness.
 
4.  “He’s in a better place now” – Griever’s at the time feel the ‘best’ place for their loved one was with them. Especially if the death was premature and/or unexpected.  
 
5.  “God needed another angel” – This may build more fear into a griever’s mind as they may begin to think that other loved ones are going to die because God needs more angels. 
 
6.  “You’ve still got your other children/siblings or parent”. – Each relationship between people is special, unique and individual. Comparing relationships is not a good thing.
 
7.   “Don’t cry — crying only upsets you” – The griever is upset already as grief is what we are feeling on the inside. Crying is a form of love and release. It will help relieve the upsets and cleanse at the same time.
 
8.  “God will never give you more than you can handle” – PRESSURE! When a griever is feeling like they just can’t take one more thing and then THIS is said to them, they can really begin to question their faith and purpose. 
 
9.  “Get a hold of yourself” – Oh boy, does this add pressure to the griever who is already feeling out of control. 
 
10.  “It’s time to get on with your life” – This implies you, the friend, is uncomfortable seeing the griever in the state of grief and mourning. It’s a very selfish thing to say to a griever. Until you walk a mile in their shoes. . . 
 
11.  “You are so strong” “you can handle this” , or “You must be strong for the kids” – This can give the griever a false sense of carrying the weight of the world all alone on their shoulders. It can mislead the griever into judging themselves of having to have it all together and deter them from reaching out for help and asking for help.
 
12.  “You’ll get over it in time” – Nope, a griever doesn’t ‘get over it’.  A griever learns to live with the loss and integrate life, loss and love.
 
13.  “You’ll be okay in a year” – Putting a specific linear time component will set the griever up for unrealistic expectations. The grieving/mourning process does not run on a linear time table.
 
14.  “Time heals all wounds” – A griever may perceive this as a specific amount of time on a linear time table. Not possible to say ‘how much’ time until the wound is healed. 2 months, a year, 10 years? This could set a griever up for a never ending expectation.
 
15.  “He/She is ALWAYS with you” – This may seem very comforting, but the fact of the matter is many grievers are going through a biological feeling of loss and it’s very difficult to fathom that when indeed they cannot speak to or hold their loved one.
 
16.  “At least you had ‘X’ amount of time with him/her” – NEVER does an empathic response begin with ‘AT LEAST’. 
 
17.  “You’re the man of the house now” – This adds unnecessary pressure, guilt, and can affect self-esteem. 
 
18.  “You’ll find someone else” – Most grievers are NOT wanting to jump right back on the horse and ‘replace’ their loved one. That diminishes the value of the love shared and the person who died.
STAY TUNED FOR MY NEXT BLOG ON “The BEST Things To Say To Someone Who Has Lost a Loved One”
 
If you or someone you know is struggling with the grief and mourning process after losing a loved one and is yearning for JOY restoration, please contact me.  I’ve been there.  I can help.  You need not travel this journey alone.
 
Love and JOY,
Cynthia 

15 Ways to Find Healing in Suffering



15 Ways to Find Healing in Suffering – Embrace, Engage, and Connecthealinghands2

To heal healthily and most effectively one must allow the emotions and thoughts to be felt and expressed while your head and heart have become temporarily disconnected.  Losing someone very close and dear to you is going to hurt.  There is no way around it, over it, or under it; you must go THROUGH it.  The more intense the love was, the more painful the loss will be.

  1. Allow yourself to feel.  A slew of emotions are swirling together and you may find it very suffocating.  Allow yourself to embrace, engage and connect with these emotions.  Surrender and weep, scream, punch a pillow.  Then just breathe. In and out.
  2. Allow yourself to think.  Your world has changed.  Your plans for your future have changed.  Your meaning of life has changed.
  3. Allow yourself to talk.  Telling your story helps process the loss and bridge the gap disconnection between your head and heart.
  4. Allow yourself to write it down.  Get a notebook and write down emotions and thoughts.  Get them out of your heart and head.  Do not worry about grammar, spelling, punctuation etc.
  5. Allow yourself to emotionally and sometimes physically distance yourself from the naysayers and negative people.
  6. Allow yourself to listen to music.  Listen to instrumental lullabies, classical, contemporary, alternative music.  There is healing in music.
  7. Allow yourself to meditate with the flickering flame of a candle or fireplace.  Become mesmerized into a spiritual trance to connect with Spirit.
  8. Allow yourself to submerge in a warm bath with Epson salt to release the toxins.
  9. Allow yourself to have your faith and beliefs to be unclear.  Allow yourself to visit a different church.  Allow yourself to be mad at God.  This too shall pass.
  10. Allow yourself to pamper yourself with a massage for deep relaxation.
  11. Allow yourself to nap.  Sleep patterns are disrupted.  Grief work and mourning are exhausting.
  12. Allow yourself to eat something nutritious.  Church family may be able to provide a meal.
  13. Allow yourself to drink extra water to keep your energy up and body from dehydration.
  14. Allow yourself to ask for help and to accept help. You are low on energy.  Ask a neighbor to mow the grass for you.  Ask if another parent can take over the carpool.  Ask a friend to help you pick up groceries.  Ask for help with the kids.  Your friends and loved ones in the neighborhood and church don’t know what to do for you.
  15. Allow yourself to seek emotional help.  You need not grieve alone.

I wish you peace and happiness in your hearts, love and joy in your souls.

Love & Joy,
Cynthia

Emotional Wellness & Balance Center www.CynthiaGossman.com 757-635-5379

12 Ways The “Law Of Attraction” Can Improve Your Life



I’ve been using the law of attraction with my Create Your Beautiful Life Vision Board Workshops for years. Many celebrities and athletes as well as successful business leaders believe in this exercise of visualization and the principles behind the ‘law of attraction’. How you FEEL is WHAT you are going to ATTRACT. Our emotional wealth is vitally important.  picture source:http://justgoodvibe.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/law-of-attraction-4.jpglaw-of-attraction-4

I share this article from business insider that sites the 12 ways the ‘law of attraction’ can improve your life.
Source:http://www.businessinsider.com/how-the-law-of-attraction-will-improve-your-life-2012-7?op=1

12 Ways The ‘Law Of Attraction’ Can Improve Your Life
Psychologists, New Age thinkers and religious leaders have been talking about the Law Of Attraction for years, though it gained popularity again when the book “The Secret” made waves in 2006.  The law is simply this: We attract whatever we think about, good or bad.  Oprah is a fan of the law and devoted an episode of her show to how it could change lives.  Whether or not you believe in the power of the universe, there is scientific research that proves the effects of positive thinking.

We’ve highlighted the most compelling elements from one of the most popular books on the topic, The Law of Attraction: The Basics of the Teachings of Abraham, by Esther and Jerry Hicks.

1. You attract good or bad experiences based on your thoughts.
“The one who speaks most about illness has illness. The one who speaks about prosperity has prosperity,” Esther and Jerry Hicks write. “You attract all of it.” By focusing on something, you make it happen.

2. Thinking about something means you invite it in, even if you don’t want it.
“When you think a little thought of something that you want, through the Law of Attraction, that thought grows larger and larger, and more and more powerful,” according to the book. So keep your thoughts positive.

3. The more you focus on something, the more powerful it becomes.
This allows you to create your own reality by “attracting” the experiences you want to have. You probably brought bad things upon yourself by worrying about them, according to the laws described in the book.

4. It’s better to trust your emotions than over-think a decision.
In other words: Listen to your intuition. Instead of overthinking your choices, let your emotions guide you toward what is right and what is wrong. This will result in a more satisfying life.

5. You can make good things happen more quickly by thinking about them more…
“Want” and “desire” consist of wanting “to focus attention, or give thought toward a subject, while at the same time experiencing positive emotion. When you give your attention to a subject and you feel only positive emotion about it as you do so, it will come very quickly into your experience,” the Hicks write.

6. To make a change, you’ve got to see things as you hope them to be, not as they are.
This is something that successful people know about. It’s also called visualization. Michael Phelps spoke about picturing himself winning every night before bed.

“In order to effect true positive change in your experience, you must disregard how things are — as well as how others are seeing you — and give more of your attention to the way you prefer things to be,” the book says.

7. You can increase your magnetic power by devoting time to “powerful thinking.” each day.
Spend 15 minutes every day thinking hard about your goals, dreams and what you want from life. The Hicks say this increases your chances for success.

8. Success isn’t a finite resource; everyone can have it.
Others being successful doesn’t limit your success. And by attracting abundance to yourself, you are not limiting another, according to the book.

9. Don’t allow yourself to wallow in disappointment.
Being disappointed only attracts more stuff to be upset about and is only a sign that you’re not getting what you want in life. So think about how to get what you want instead of what you don’t have.

10. Avoid TV shows that deal with negative experiences like crime or illness.
Letting this stuff in makes you think about it more and increases the odds it could happen to you. “Your attention to anything is drawing it closer to you,” they say.

11. Know that your relationships with people are bad because you made them that way.
Giving your attention to the negative can wreak havoc on personal relationships. This mentality can help free us from bad relationships with relatives or a spouse. “Nothing can come into your experience without your personal attraction to it,” they say.

12. Don’t worry about what you’re dreaming; instead use your dreams as a guide.
Dreams might provide some insight into the psyche, but you’re not in the process of “creating” while you’re asleep, the book says.

Cheers to your success and happiness as you incorporate the law of attraction into your lifestyle.

Love and JOY,
Cynthia
A Happy You ~ A Happy Life
Emotional Wellness & Balance Center

4 Lessons – Book Review of. . . Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman



Why IQ isn’t everything and the role EQ plays in doing and being well in life.

Lesson One:
The Ventilation Fallacy
Lesson Two:
Don’t Ruminate When You Are Sad, Distract Yourself Instead
Lesson Three:
The Artful Critique
Lesson Four:
Emotional Contagion

For more information on emotional intelligence and to schedule your complimentary strategy session contact
Cynthia Gossman, Emotional Wellness & Balance Center
cynthia@cynthiagossman.com
www.cynthiagossman.com
757-635-5379

Opportunity, Being Sexy, and Living Life



Opportunity looks a lot like work.

Being Sexy – Being Really Smart, Thoughtful, Generous!

Living Life – build your own thing, build a life don’t live one.

 

Has The Emotional Garbage in Your Life Hardened You?



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Has the emotional garbage in your life hardened you? Are you aware?

‘Soft skills’ is not a representation of begin soft.  ‘Soft skills’ is a term often associated with a person’s “EQ” (Emotional Intelligence Quotient), the cluster of personality traits, social graces, communication, language, personal habits, interpersonal skills, managing people, leadership, etc. that characterize relationships with other people.

How’s that emotional garbage in your life working for you?

Many high-potential leaders are derailed because they lack emotional awareness, emotion management, and appropriate interpersonal social skills such as the ability to work in teams and a tolerance for change.

Do you know your EQ emotional intelligence quotient?  

Guessing is NOT an accurate or effective way of determining your level of EQ.  Many relationships will be taxed while not knowing the areas that could be improved.

four areas of EI

How is EQ measured?  

The EQ-i® is the first scientifically validated emotional intelligence tool in the world.” ~ It is a highly actionable tool for: personal, professional, leadership, team or organization development” – MHS Multi Health Systems Publisher

CG Coaching & Consulting Emotional Wellness and Balance Center is licensed and certified to administer the EQ-i2.0 and EQ360 assessment tools AND provide state of the art training and coaching to help you achieve your peak performance.

How to Deal With Changing Seasons and Seasons of Change



footprintschangeisajourneyHappy March!
I remember when I was a little girl living in New England and while learning about the seasons (we had four separate unique seasons at that time) being taught that March “comes in like a lion and goes out like a lamb” because the weather in the beginning of March could be very harsh and cold yet by the end of March be much gentler and warmer.  Living in Virginia Beach, VA now, we jump from teen temperatures to 70’s pretty much throughout the entire winter. As a matter of fact, we have experienced a few 80 degree Christmas’s AND right now my daffodils have been in bloom all through the beginning of this year.
My message today is about change. Many don’t like change; they become ‘comfortably numb’ as long as life stays the same with no surprises. But as soon as the boat starts a rockin’, oh boy, the anxiety kicks in. Some, like change only if THEY choose it. We are creatures of habit.
It’s March, symbolically the end of Winter AND the beginning of Spring. End of hibernation and beginning of awakening. End of cocooning and beginning of flying. End of short days/long nights and beginning of longer days/shorter nights. End of dormancy and beginning of growth. Just like the seasons of the year, we all have seasons of our own. Seasons are change. Transformation. The beginning of something, yet the end of something else. When one learns to embrace (even grieve and mourn) what is no longer, engage in the beauty that is ‘here and now’, and connect with hope and love for what will soon be, one becomes more peaceful.
There are many quotes and even songs that support this philosophy. Some perspectives view change as a sacrifice; some as a blessing. Which do you see, a sacrifice or a blessing, or both? One thing is for sure, the only thing that stays the same is change. One of my favorite quotes is by Wayne Dyer: “When you change the WAY you look at things; The THINGS you look at change”. Read that slowly and purposefully. It makes much sense.
Many resist change and resistance causes stress.  How can we cope with change with little to no stress?
PAP! With Patience, Acceptance, and Perspective, we can reduce our stress. Helen Keller said it truthfully: “When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.” What are we focusing on? What are our choices? Increasing our awareness in the ‘here and now’ (mindfulness) we discover our power of choice to welcome change, become comfortable with change, embrace change. We have a power to choose what we are focusing on, how we are looking at things and the things we look at. We CAN reduce our stress by practicing patience, acceptance and perspective.
Change does not have to be a symbol of negativity. It can be the very essence of growth.I wish you all joy and peace in your hearts and much love and happiness in your souls.

Love and JOY,

Cynthia

Joy Restoration Coaching Happiness

Primal Leadership: The Hidden Driver of Great Performance



I found this article fascinating.  Check it out.{BF8CD119-362E-4262-8E05-829E27318C02}Img400

” . . .We’ve recently compiled two years of new research that, we suspect, will elicit the same kind of reaction. People will first exclaim, “No way,” then quickly add, “But of course.” We found that of all the elements affecting bottom-line performance, the importance of the leader’s mood and its attendant behaviors are most surprising. That powerful pair set off a chain reaction: The leader’s mood and behaviors drive the moods and behaviors of everyone else. A cranky and ruthless boss creates a toxic organization filled with negative underachievers who ignore opportunities; an inspirational, inclusive leader spawns acolytes for whom any challenge is surmountable. The final link in the chain is performance: profit or loss.”

Source: hbr.org https://hbr.org/2001/12/primal-leadership-the-hidden-driver-of-great-performance

Want to improve your leadership? CG Coaching & Consulting offers LeadYourShip Training including the EQ-i and EQ360 assessments. Cynthia@CynthiaGossman.com; www.CynthiaGossman.com;

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Great Books

"The Gift of Change - Spirtual Guidance for a Radically New Life"
by Marianne Williamson

"The Best Year Of Your Life - dream it.plan it.live it"
by Debbie Ford

"The Aladdin Factor"
by: Jack Canfield and Mark Victor Hansen

"What is Your WHAT?"
by: Steve Olsher

"The Slight Edge"
by: Jeff Olson

"Wherever You Go There You Are"
by: Jon Kabat-Zinn

"Play - How It Shapes the Brain, Opens the Imagination, and Invigorates the Soul"
by: Stuart Brown, MD with Christopher Vaughan

"The Tools - Transform Your Problems Into Courage, Confidence, and Creativity"
by: Phil Stutz and Barry Michels

"Unglued - Making Wise Choices In The Midst Of Raw Emotions"
by: Lysa Terkeurst

"Excuses Begone! - How to Change Lifelong, Self-Defeating Thinking Habits"
by: Dr. Wayne W. Dyer

"Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway"
by: Susan Jeffers, Ph.D

"MAKE MONEY Not Excuses - Wake Up, Take Charge, and Overcome Your Financial Fears Forever"
by: Jean Chatzky

"Who Moved My Cheese?"
by: Spencer Johnson, M.D.

"What's Worth Knowing"
by: Wendy Lustbader

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