A Happy You is A Happy Life

The importance of empathy

How stress affects your brain

5 Steps to Happiness

You Are Unstoppable

I wanted to share this with you because the speeches in it got me thinking for the better. It was exactly what I was needing. This goes so much deeper than equestrianism. Even if you're not into horses, just listen.. & Yes, I made this video, but I do not own the clips or audio.

Posted by Kaitlyn Brooke on Wednesday, December 9, 2015

A Very Happy Brain

Live Interview

IQ vs. EQ with Daniel Goleman

The Happy Secret to Better Work

Posts in category Happiness by Choice©

Vulnerability – Living Brave



Brené Brown
May 4 at 11:03am ·
“I’ve realized that one of the most unkind things I can do to somebody is to put them on a pedestal because very soon, inevitably, they’re going to do something that’s going to knock them off it, and then I’m going to have a lot of trouble with that because I really needed you to be something else. And that’s inhumane.” –Elizabeth Gilbert

Check out this #LivingBrave interview with Elizabeth Gilbert—bestselling author of Eat, Pray, Love and Big Magic!

15 Ways to Find Healing in Suffering



15 Ways to Find Healing in Suffering – Embrace, Engage, and Connecthealinghands2

To heal healthily and most effectively one must allow the emotions and thoughts to be felt and expressed while your head and heart have become temporarily disconnected.  Losing someone very close and dear to you is going to hurt.  There is no way around it, over it, or under it; you must go THROUGH it.  The more intense the love was, the more painful the loss will be.

  1. Allow yourself to feel.  A slew of emotions are swirling together and you may find it very suffocating.  Allow yourself to embrace, engage and connect with these emotions.  Surrender and weep, scream, punch a pillow.  Then just breathe. In and out.
  2. Allow yourself to think.  Your world has changed.  Your plans for your future have changed.  Your meaning of life has changed.
  3. Allow yourself to talk.  Telling your story helps process the loss and bridge the gap disconnection between your head and heart.
  4. Allow yourself to write it down.  Get a notebook and write down emotions and thoughts.  Get them out of your heart and head.  Do not worry about grammar, spelling, punctuation etc.
  5. Allow yourself to emotionally and sometimes physically distance yourself from the naysayers and negative people.
  6. Allow yourself to listen to music.  Listen to instrumental lullabies, classical, contemporary, alternative music.  There is healing in music.
  7. Allow yourself to meditate with the flickering flame of a candle or fireplace.  Become mesmerized into a spiritual trance to connect with Spirit.
  8. Allow yourself to submerge in a warm bath with Epson salt to release the toxins.
  9. Allow yourself to have your faith and beliefs to be unclear.  Allow yourself to visit a different church.  Allow yourself to be mad at God.  This too shall pass.
  10. Allow yourself to pamper yourself with a massage for deep relaxation.
  11. Allow yourself to nap.  Sleep patterns are disrupted.  Grief work and mourning are exhausting.
  12. Allow yourself to eat something nutritious.  Church family may be able to provide a meal.
  13. Allow yourself to drink extra water to keep your energy up and body from dehydration.
  14. Allow yourself to ask for help and to accept help. You are low on energy.  Ask a neighbor to mow the grass for you.  Ask if another parent can take over the carpool.  Ask a friend to help you pick up groceries.  Ask for help with the kids.  Your friends and loved ones in the neighborhood and church don’t know what to do for you.
  15. Allow yourself to seek emotional help.  You need not grieve alone.

I wish you peace and happiness in your hearts, love and joy in your souls.

Love & Joy,
Cynthia

Emotional Wellness & Balance Center www.CynthiaGossman.com 757-635-5379

5 Simple Choices Happy People Live by JOYfully!



Five Simple Choices Happy People Live by JOYfully!5stepsjoy

1)      Lighten Up – Carrying burdens such as guilt, judgement, anger, grief, resentment, jealously and more are all so heavy to your mind, body and soul.  Lighten Up by letting go of that unnecessary weight.  Free yourself of the responsibility and give up the ownership of what you cannot control.

2)      Get a Grip – Hold on baby, it’s going to be a killer ride.  Develop a strong foundation to handle the storms of life.  Work on your foundation more and what sits on top less.  Be less the roller-coaster and more the track.  Choose what anchors you and develop your foundation.

3)      Wipe The Slate Clean – No matter who or what has hurt or disappointed you start every morning start with a clean slate.  A fresh new beginning, another chance, a do-over.  For yourself.  For your loved ones.  What happened yesterday is not nearly as important as what happens right now.  LOVE today.

4)      Make Time for Solitude – When all is quiet, calm and suspended is when the listening begins.  When the listening begins is when clarity and creativity flows. 

5)      Live with PAP©Patience, Acceptance, Perspective – all three together help with the first four choices. 

Here’s to your healing, growth, and happiness.

Love and JOY,
Cynthia

Opportunity, Being Sexy, and Living Life



Opportunity looks a lot like work.

Being Sexy – Being Really Smart, Thoughtful, Generous!

Living Life – build your own thing, build a life don’t live one.

 

What does EQ have to do with managing change?



What does EQ have to do with managing change?emotional

Everything!

If you can create awareness of the way you respond to life events, such as change, and manage your response to the event you’re well on your way to effectively managing change.

You’ve heard the saying, ‘It’s not what happens that matters but how you respond to it that really counts’, increasing awareness is a vital key in managing how you respond.

EQ gives you the awareness and mindfulness you need to increase your ability to distinguish between the event that happens, and the way you respond to it. Simply being aware of your response means you can make changes that benefit you. Being emotionally intelligent allows you to manage your emotions such as anger, anxiety, frustration, and fear which in turn relieves stress in your life.

So, what does it mean to be emotionally intelligent?

EI has been coined by Daniel Goleman in 1995 the theory emphasizes the importance of awareness, control and management of our emotions and the emotions of other people.

The skills, sometimes referred to as learned competencies, are recognized as the fundamentals to success in leadership to your ability to manage life’s curve balls – often defined as change. We are creatures of habit and naturally resist change. EQ gives you the tools needed to welcome change effectively.

Being emotionally intelligent includes the following abilities:

  • Self Awareness: The ability to recognize and understand feelings and emotion, and the ability to understand your responses to situations and other people’s actions.
  • Self-Management: The ability to choose how we think, how we feel, the actions we take, and to motivate ourselves; also known as self-regulation.
  • Social Awareness: The ability to recognize and understand the feelings and emotions of others. This includes skills in empathy.
  • Relationship Management: The ability to express your emotions and to communicate effectively.

These skills can be learned – and used well can help you manage change and achieve success in life.

Take an EQ-i2.0 self-assessment to discover your strengths and areas requiring development.  Contact Cynthia Gossman, Emotional Intelligence Expert and Facilitator today, cynthia@cynthiagossman.com or 757-635-5379.

Warmly,

Cynthia Gossman, Your Personal JOY Restoration Coach

Look For The Pony



ponyblogThere were two little boys quite opposite of each other.  One day both of the boys were given a circumstance of life and the people observed. (story improvised from original version)

The first little boy stood skeptically in the doorway of the room full of toys not sure if he should enter. But with a little prodding and hearing, “Go on in, they are all yours”, he finally walked over the first toy. What happened next shocked and stunned the people. Instead of playing gleefully the little boy systematically opened every single package in the room and rejected each of the toys in turn. The people heard him whining: “These aren’t like my toys at home. These toys will never work. Where are the video games! “It’s hot in here. I don’t have any friends to play with.”  The complaining went on and on until soon, exhausted from his own negativity, he sat down in the middle of the room and with a big pout on his face he angrily shouted “I’m bored and I want to go home.”

The people had been so mesmerized by this display of pessimism and negativity that they had almost forgotten about the second little boy who had been place in the room full of manure. They quickly shifted their attention to the second room and peering through the observation window, were stopped in their tracks. They had expected to see the little boy sitting on the pile sad and crying. But instead, he was standing on top of the pile wildly shoveling horse manure. To the amazement of the people, he was animated, excited, alive, and happy. He kept digging and digging and shouting with glee. He was covered with manure from head to toe and he was ecstatic. The people looked at one another in awe – the child seemed delirious.

The people opened the door to the room and tried to get the boy’s attention.  However, he was so focused on digging that it took a few minutes to get his attention. Finally the boy stopped what he was doing, turned around, and faced the people. Looking with amazement at the manure covered child one of the people asked, “Son, what in the world are you doing?” With that question, a huge grin crossed the boy’s face and with the same enthusiasm he had given to digging he replied, “Sir, with all this manure I just know there is pony in here somewhere and I’m going to find him!”  With that he turned around and started digging.

Two Power Principles for Finding Your Pony

Choose Your Focus: In every circle of influence there are some people who use their time and energy complaining about their circumstances and others who are carrying shovels looking for ponies. The only difference between these two groups is the choices that they make about how they respond to their circumstances. It is difficult, if not impossible, to control what life, friends, family, work, or society throw at us. Sometimes what we get is fantastic and sometimes it is a pile of horse poop. However, it is completely in our control to find opportunity in each situation and instead of complaining, dig.

Get a Pep Talk: We all have bad days and we all get crapped on from time to time, and though it is easy to write that you have the power to choose your attitude, it is much harder to do it when you feel like circumstances are not on your side. As growing human beings, leaders, matriarchs, parents, WE ALL require a pep talk as much as any other person. When in these situations it is hard to see the forest for the trees or perhaps the pony for the manure. Surrounding yourself with successful optimistic people is the cure.

Love and JOY, Cynthia

A Happy You, A Happy Life July issue



ahappyyouahappylifejuly15

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Open Me – Read Me – Happiness is Inside

Warmly,

Cynthia

Hungry



I recently had a divine pleasure of attending a women’s wellness retreat sponsored by Still Hope Foundation and Ardx in Norfolk, VA at the Old Dominion University Campus and our keynote luncheon speaker was Dr. Robin Smith.  As a mentor in teaching other women myself, Dr. Robin’s speech was not only humbling but it touched me to my core.  I would presume most women are now or have been HUNGRY.  Here’s a clip from Oprah’s Super Soul Sunday with Dr. Robin Smith.  AMAZING!

 

Tips to Taking Care of Yourself Through the Holidays



Tips to taking care of your SELF – mindfulness and awareness – choices that can make a big difference to have a much more enjoyable season.

1.  Clean closets – Yes! Organize those towels, blankets, shoes, seasonal items, games, toys, etc. Give things you don’t need to charity. Less clutter and more organization will free you of much unnecessary weight.

2.  Eliminate your poisonous or negative “friends” – If someone is always dumping on you, sucking you dry, is the queen of complaining, and has a street named after them ~ ‘one-way’ they are most likely not the caliber of friend you want or need in your life.  Raise the bar on your deserve level. Give yourself permission to distance yourself from them, completely.

3.  Say no to extra things you said yes to, and shouldn’t have – Yes, you may be the ‘one’ everyone goes to and depends on; however, you are allowed to say ‘no’.  Develop healthy boundaries to preserve your energy and keep you from becoming depleted and stressed. Hang up your Wonder Woman cape for a little while.

4.  Go through your files and dump the extra papers – OMG, is this speaking my language! How many of you are professional pile-its – not one who flies an airplane, but one who has piles of files here, piles of papers there, piles of bills over there.  It’s clutter and disorganization.  If you have a lot of newspapers, consider dropping them off at the local SPCA versus in your recycle bin. Invest in a shredder or go to a local place that can shred them for you.  You will FEEL MUCH LIGHTER.

5. Give gifts only to those you WANT to – Beware of getting trapped into the commercialism of the season. Go back to basics.

6.  Remember you don’t have to do it all – You don’t have to bake cookies, buy for everyone, decorate the house, spend time with ALL relatives.  Are you married to tradition? Maybe it’s time to take a break from tradition just for this year. You can always go back to it again next year.

7.  UNPLUG and let others take care of you.  Maybe another relative or friend can be the host this year for the annual dinner party and you can bring some side dishes.  Maybe you can go out to a restaurant instead of cooking the huge spread.  Maybe you can let go of _________ (fill in the blank) and treat yourself to a bubble bath, massage, nap, brisk walk in the park, a movie, and so on ….

Love and JOY, Cynthia

Steps to a Better Social Life



Special for eDiets
by Hara Estroff Marano

Perhaps the single greatest source of mental energy is positive interaction with others. Even if you were the class nerd in high school, it’s never too late to achieve social success. You can develop social confidence by following a few simple steps.

Schedule Your Social Life
To hone your social skills, you have to invest time in them. Practice makes perfect, even for the socially secure. By surrounding yourself with others, you create a rich supply of opportunities to observe interactions and improve upon your own social behaviors. Stop turning down party invitations and start inviting people to your home. Plan outings with acquaintances you’d like to know better.

Think Positive
Insecure people approach others anxiously, feeling they have to prove that they’re witty or interesting. Self-assured people expect others to respond positively — despite the fact that one of the most difficult social tasks is to join an activity that is already in progress.

Engage in Social Reconnaissance
The socially competent are highly skilled at information gathering, always scanning the scene for important details to guide their actions. They are tuned in to people’s expression of specific emotions and sensitive to signals that convey information about what people’s interests are — whether they want to be left alone or whether there is room in an activity for another person.

To infer correctly what others must be feeling, you must be able to identify and label your own experience accurately. That is where many people, particularly men, fall short. Good conversationalists make comments that are connected to what is said to them and to the social situation. You don’t have to be interesting. You just have to be interested.

Enter Conversations Gracefully
Timing is everything. After listening and observing on the perimeter of a group they want to join, the socially competent look for an opportunity to step in, knowing it doesn’t just happen. It usually appears as a lull in the conversation. Tuned in to the conversational or activity theme, the deft participant asks a question or elaborates on what someone else has already said. The idea is to use an open-ended question that lets others participate. For instance, “Speaking of the election, what does everybody think about so-and-so’s decision not to run?”

Once the conversation gets moving, back off and give others a chance to talk. The goal is to help the group have a better conversation.

Learn to Handle Failure
Everyone will sometimes be rejected. The socially confident don’t take rebuffs personally. They don’t attribute rejection to internal causes, such as being unlikable or inability to make friends. They assume it can result from any of many factors — incompatibility, someone else’s bad mood or a misunderstanding.

Self-assured people become resilient, using the feedback they get to shape another go at acceptance. When faced with failure, those who are well-liked turn a negative response into a counterproposal. They say things like, “Well, can we make a date for next week instead?” Or they move onto another group in the expectation that not every conversation is closed.

And, should they reject others’ bids to join with them, they do it in a positive way. They invariably offer a reason or counter with an alternative idea: “I would love to talk with you later.”

Manage Your Emotions
Social situations are incredibly complex and dynamic. There are all kinds of verbal and nonverbal cues (such as facial expression and voice tone) that have to be interpreted before you decide on the best response — all in a matter of microseconds. No one can do all that without a reasonable degree of control over their own emotional states, especially negative emotions such as anger, fear, anxiety and other emotions that usually arise in situations of conflict or uncertainty. The trick is to shift attention away from distressing stimuli toward positive aspects of a situation.

Defuse Disagreements
Conflict is inevitable; coping with confrontations is a critical social skill. Instead of fighting fire with fire, socially confident people stop conflict from escalating. They apologize, propose a joint activity, make a peace offering or negotiate. Sometimes they just change the subject. Managing conflict without aggression requires listening, communicating, taking the perspective of others, controlling negative emotions and problem-solving. Even just explaining your point of view in an argument is a helpful move.

Laugh a Little

Humor is the most prized social skill, the fast track to being liked. There’s no recipe for creating a sense of humor. But, even in your darkest moments, strive to see the lighter side of a situation.

If you want a very practical guide to social skills, I urge you to read Why Doesn’t Anybody Like Me? (William Morrow & Co.). I wrote it for parents to help their kids, but many adults tell me they get a lot out of it for themselves. To order a copy of this book, click here.

Hara Estroff Marano is Editor-At-Large of Psychology Today magazine and Editor-In-Chief of Psychology Today’s Blues Buster, a newsletter about depression. An award-winning writer on human behavior, Hara’s articles have appeared in publications including the New York Times, Smithsonian, Family Circle and The Ladies Home Journal. She lives in New York City.

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Great Books

"The Gift of Change - Spirtual Guidance for a Radically New Life"
by Marianne Williamson

"The Best Year Of Your Life - dream it.plan it.live it"
by Debbie Ford

"The Aladdin Factor"
by: Jack Canfield and Mark Victor Hansen

"What is Your WHAT?"
by: Steve Olsher

"The Slight Edge"
by: Jeff Olson

"Wherever You Go There You Are"
by: Jon Kabat-Zinn

"Play - How It Shapes the Brain, Opens the Imagination, and Invigorates the Soul"
by: Stuart Brown, MD with Christopher Vaughan

"The Tools - Transform Your Problems Into Courage, Confidence, and Creativity"
by: Phil Stutz and Barry Michels

"Unglued - Making Wise Choices In The Midst Of Raw Emotions"
by: Lysa Terkeurst

"Excuses Begone! - How to Change Lifelong, Self-Defeating Thinking Habits"
by: Dr. Wayne W. Dyer

"Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway"
by: Susan Jeffers, Ph.D

"MAKE MONEY Not Excuses - Wake Up, Take Charge, and Overcome Your Financial Fears Forever"
by: Jean Chatzky

"Who Moved My Cheese?"
by: Spencer Johnson, M.D.

"What's Worth Knowing"
by: Wendy Lustbader

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