A Happy You is A Happy Life

The importance of empathy

How stress affects your brain

5 Steps to Happiness

You Are Unstoppable

I wanted to share this with you because the speeches in it got me thinking for the better. It was exactly what I was needing. This goes so much deeper than equestrianism. Even if you're not into horses, just listen.. & Yes, I made this video, but I do not own the clips or audio.

Posted by Kaitlyn Brooke on Wednesday, December 9, 2015

A Very Happy Brain

Live Interview

IQ vs. EQ with Daniel Goleman

The Happy Secret to Better Work

Posts in category Anger

Amygdala Hijack vs. Grief Burst



brain-heart-charactersCGCC Emotional Wellness and Balance Center

You and I have five realms of health: Mental, Emotional, Physical, Spiritual, and Social.  When your emotional realm is hijacked the other four realms are affected, compromised, and even shut down depending on our existing supply of coping skills, belief systems and how we were taught to react. So that means when your emotional health is attacked, your mental health, physical health, spiritual health as well as your social health are all compromised.

The amygdala is an area in your brain that processes your emotions and your ‘fight or flight’ mechanisms. It is a great little part of the brain to have. It alerts you when danger arises and keeps you safe. It also can allow you to feel the miraculous love and joys in life.  Did you know that your amygdala has a default programming?  It all began when you were a little wee one.  Watching your parents, grandparents, leaders and coaches created your default programming of your morals, beliefs and values. Since then your amygdala has been conditioned and groomed how to cope (react or respond) according to how you saw others cope.

Grief comes from the heart.  It is a form of love.  Grief cannot be reasoned or thought out.  Grief must be felt.

You must work on creating harmony between your brain and your heart.

Question, as you are reading this, are you aware (key word, aware) of how you react or respond, hence how you cope with life’s adversities? How’s your default coping mechanisms working for you?  There’s no right or wrong emotional defaults; However, there are healthy and unhealthy defaults.

AH and GB Definitions:

First let me explain what an amygdala hijack is. When the amygdala is hijacked, it hijacks ALL of the oxygen from other parts of the brain and shuts down the cerebral cortex frontal lobe that contains your rational thinking and problem solving.  You can become irrational, impulsive, dangerous at times, mean, and angry.

Now let me explain what a grief burst is. When you are grieving the loss of a loved one, your heart is broken and shattered because you are missing that loved one because you LOVED that person. All of your emotions are all over the place intertwined with one another.  You can burst into uncontrollable tears, sobbing, even collapse to the ground.

All emotions are either love based or fear based
Love Based – Happy, Joy, Kindness, Gentle, Grateful,
Fear Based – Angry, Disgusted, Hate, Betrayal, Guilt, Regret

Most amygdala hijacks are triggered by data collected and stored in our brains that are attached to memories, habits, rituals and conditions related to a particular incident or circumstance in the past that can be associated with hurt and anger.

Most grief bursts are triggered the same – by data collected and stored in our brains that are linked to memories, habits, rituals and conditions related to a particular incident or circumstance in the past that can be associated with happiness and joy.

Are AH and GB love based or fear based?

  • AH is fear based, usually no love involved at all, pure anger, hatred, betrayal – all fear based.
  • GB may contain fearful emotions but the base is LOVE.  If you didn’t LOVE that person, you wouldn’t be grieving and experiencing grief bursts.

Are AH and GB learned behaviors?

  • AH responses that are learned behaviors may include flipping people off and other hand gestures, colorful not-so-nice language spewing from our mouths, tantrums, destruction of property, slamming doors, hateful and attacking words.  You get the picture.  These are learned behaviors. We saw influential people in our life act that way more than once and our brain believed that was the way to react.
  • Grief bursts are not necessarily learned behaviors like amygdala hijacks are.  Grief bursts are usually weeping, sobbing, (yes screaming but in a much different way), cocooning in a fetal position.  Due to our societal stigmas from many generations past, people who have grief bursts are very uncomfortable with them and think they are wrong because we were not exposed to this healthy way of processing emotions.  Grief will demand your attention with no forewarning or predictability and usually at the most inopportune time – grocery store, bank, the middle of an important meeting, school, etc.)

What are the results of AH and GB?

  1. AH tend to be unhealthy and destroy people.  (Training is available to help rewire the defaults to healthier defaults)
  2. GB tend to be seen as unhealthy but are truly one of the healthiest behaviors a person can  honor in order to heal. (Coaching is available to assist the healing process)
  1. AH creates more stress and toxicity
  2. GB releases stress and toxicity and encourages healing.

 Amazing how society is more accepting of angry outbursts that come from an AH but is very uncomfortable with GB that portray love.

How to Stop the Insanity!

In the middle of the hijack or grief burst may not be the best time to learn the fundamentals of a new way to cope emotionally.  However, after the hijack and/or grief burst has passed, taking time to reflect is a vital step in managing your emotions better.

  1. What can I do in the moment of an amygdala hijack or grief burst?
  2. What skills can I learn and practice to help future AH and GB?
  3. How can I cope better emotionally?

To learn the answers to these questions and more, contact CG Coaching & Consulting Emotional Wellness and Balance Center today.

cynthia@cynthiagossman.com or 757-635-5379 or visit www.cynthiagossman.com

 

5 Metastasizing Emotional Cancers



I have had the privilege of sharing pertinent information on emotional wellness and balance for nearly 20 years.  One of my absolute favorite teachings comes from Stephen Covey.  He is highly recognized for his book 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.  Do you know about the 8th Habit?  More specifically the 5 Metastasizing Emotional Cancers and how as leaders (in our personal life as well as in business), we must create an awareness of these 5 emotional cancers and choose to disengage. The 5 are: Complaining, Comparing, Criticizing, Competing and Contending. Here is a video of Stephen Covey himself on this subject. Enjoy!

Has The Emotional Garbage in Your Life Hardened You?



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Has the emotional garbage in your life hardened you? Are you aware?

‘Soft skills’ is not a representation of begin soft.  ‘Soft skills’ is a term often associated with a person’s “EQ” (Emotional Intelligence Quotient), the cluster of personality traits, social graces, communication, language, personal habits, interpersonal skills, managing people, leadership, etc. that characterize relationships with other people.

How’s that emotional garbage in your life working for you?

Many high-potential leaders are derailed because they lack emotional awareness, emotion management, and appropriate interpersonal social skills such as the ability to work in teams and a tolerance for change.

Do you know your EQ emotional intelligence quotient?  

Guessing is NOT an accurate or effective way of determining your level of EQ.  Many relationships will be taxed while not knowing the areas that could be improved.

four areas of EI

How is EQ measured?  

The EQ-i® is the first scientifically validated emotional intelligence tool in the world.” ~ It is a highly actionable tool for: personal, professional, leadership, team or organization development” – MHS Multi Health Systems Publisher

CG Coaching & Consulting Emotional Wellness and Balance Center is licensed and certified to administer the EQ-i2.0 and EQ360 assessment tools AND provide state of the art training and coaching to help you achieve your peak performance.

How to Deal With Changing Seasons and Seasons of Change



footprintschangeisajourneyHappy March!
I remember when I was a little girl living in New England and while learning about the seasons (we had four separate unique seasons at that time) being taught that March “comes in like a lion and goes out like a lamb” because the weather in the beginning of March could be very harsh and cold yet by the end of March be much gentler and warmer.  Living in Virginia Beach, VA now, we jump from teen temperatures to 70’s pretty much throughout the entire winter. As a matter of fact, we have experienced a few 80 degree Christmas’s AND right now my daffodils have been in bloom all through the beginning of this year.
My message today is about change. Many don’t like change; they become ‘comfortably numb’ as long as life stays the same with no surprises. But as soon as the boat starts a rockin’, oh boy, the anxiety kicks in. Some, like change only if THEY choose it. We are creatures of habit.
It’s March, symbolically the end of Winter AND the beginning of Spring. End of hibernation and beginning of awakening. End of cocooning and beginning of flying. End of short days/long nights and beginning of longer days/shorter nights. End of dormancy and beginning of growth. Just like the seasons of the year, we all have seasons of our own. Seasons are change. Transformation. The beginning of something, yet the end of something else. When one learns to embrace (even grieve and mourn) what is no longer, engage in the beauty that is ‘here and now’, and connect with hope and love for what will soon be, one becomes more peaceful.
There are many quotes and even songs that support this philosophy. Some perspectives view change as a sacrifice; some as a blessing. Which do you see, a sacrifice or a blessing, or both? One thing is for sure, the only thing that stays the same is change. One of my favorite quotes is by Wayne Dyer: “When you change the WAY you look at things; The THINGS you look at change”. Read that slowly and purposefully. It makes much sense.
Many resist change and resistance causes stress.  How can we cope with change with little to no stress?
PAP! With Patience, Acceptance, and Perspective, we can reduce our stress. Helen Keller said it truthfully: “When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.” What are we focusing on? What are our choices? Increasing our awareness in the ‘here and now’ (mindfulness) we discover our power of choice to welcome change, become comfortable with change, embrace change. We have a power to choose what we are focusing on, how we are looking at things and the things we look at. We CAN reduce our stress by practicing patience, acceptance and perspective.
Change does not have to be a symbol of negativity. It can be the very essence of growth.I wish you all joy and peace in your hearts and much love and happiness in your souls.

Love and JOY,

Cynthia

Joy Restoration Coaching Happiness

How to Manage Your Anger



Anger is a natural human emotion, but when it’s your default reaction it becomes a problem—for you and those around you. Learn how to turn inward, connect with your true self, and dissipate this unhealthy state of mind.

At some point, however, many angry people realize they have to change their tactics. They begin to see how negative anger really is. Weighed against its supposed usefulness, getting mad is unrealistic, impractical, and unhealthy. It’s unrealistic because your anger … Read More

by Deepak Chopra

 

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