I hope this article brought you some insight and comfort. I wish you peace and joy in your hearts and love and happiness in your souls.
CynthiaGossman/Emotional Wellness & Balance Center
A Happy You A Happy Life
Throughout the years, I have been blessed by walking with so many on their journey of loss, grief and mourning and helping them reach the path of healing. I have also been blessed with a voice to advocate for the griever and educate the non-grievers/companions on how to help their friends and loved ones who are hurting. Here’s one of my favorite tips:
Circle the date of the loss on the calendar in every month for a year. Life resumes normalcy quick after the funeral for friends and companions, yet the griever’s life has come to a complete stop, is in slow motion, and time is greatly distorted. While the griever is chartering unknown territory, the pain, lonesomeness, confusion, and so much more slaps ‘doses of reality’ of the death in their face over and over.
A few months down the road when everyone else is back living their own lives (the out of town company has gone back home, the food and meals aren’t being dropped off anymore, the phone calls/texts are few and far between, the flourish of cards and condolences are not arriving in the mailbox anymore) the griever is often left feeling even more lost and alone.
When we (the companion to the griever) ‘remember’, it brings tremendous comfort to the griever. So, Circle the date and let that be a gentle reminder to you to send a ‘thinking of you’ card, invite them out for lunch, or swing by for a cup of coffee. Disconnection is transparent and your act of love and kindness by ‘remembering’ will bring a sense of connection and diminish the feelings of isolation.
Love and JOY,
15 Ways to Find Healing in Suffering – Embrace, Engage, and Connect
To heal healthily and most effectively one must allow the emotions and thoughts to be felt and expressed while your head and heart have become temporarily disconnected. Losing someone very close and dear to you is going to hurt. There is no way around it, over it, or under it; you must go THROUGH it. The more intense the love was, the more painful the loss will be.
- Allow yourself to feel. A slew of emotions are swirling together and you may find it very suffocating. Allow yourself to embrace, engage and connect with these emotions. Surrender and weep, scream, punch a pillow. Then just breathe. In and out.
- Allow yourself to think. Your world has changed. Your plans for your future have changed. Your meaning of life has changed.
- Allow yourself to talk. Telling your story helps process the loss and bridge the gap disconnection between your head and heart.
- Allow yourself to write it down. Get a notebook and write down emotions and thoughts. Get them out of your heart and head. Do not worry about grammar, spelling, punctuation etc.
- Allow yourself to emotionally and sometimes physically distance yourself from the naysayers and negative people.
- Allow yourself to listen to music. Listen to instrumental lullabies, classical, contemporary, alternative music. There is healing in music.
- Allow yourself to meditate with the flickering flame of a candle or fireplace. Become mesmerized into a spiritual trance to connect with Spirit.
- Allow yourself to submerge in a warm bath with Epson salt to release the toxins.
- Allow yourself to have your faith and beliefs to be unclear. Allow yourself to visit a different church. Allow yourself to be mad at God. This too shall pass.
- Allow yourself to pamper yourself with a massage for deep relaxation.
- Allow yourself to nap. Sleep patterns are disrupted. Grief work and mourning are exhausting.
- Allow yourself to eat something nutritious. Church family may be able to provide a meal.
- Allow yourself to drink extra water to keep your energy up and body from dehydration.
- Allow yourself to ask for help and to accept help. You are low on energy. Ask a neighbor to mow the grass for you. Ask if another parent can take over the carpool. Ask a friend to help you pick up groceries. Ask for help with the kids. Your friends and loved ones in the neighborhood and church don’t know what to do for you.
- Allow yourself to seek emotional help. You need not grieve alone.
I wish you peace and happiness in your hearts, love and joy in your souls.
Love & Joy,
Emotional Wellness & Balance Center www.CynthiaGossman.com 757-635-5379
Men and women grieve differently, not because of gender, but because of the masculine/feminine parts of the brain and societal conditioning/stigmas. In all actuality, EVERYONE grieves differently. One’s grief is as unique as the relationship with the loved one.
The masculine part of the brain tends to process grief with action, doing, fixing, like going out and building the temple. Little to no conversation is necessary sometimes.
The feminine part of the brain tends to process grief with nurturing, comforting, connecting, like sitting inside the temple and ‘kumbayah’ing’ with others over a meal, talking, crying, expressing emotion.
Neither one is better than the other and the action makes for good mourning. All men and women have both masculine and feminine parts in their brain. Therefore, a man may feel absolutely comfortable sitting in the knitting circle and expressing emotions just as much as a woman may feel more solace going out to the shed and building a new swing set. Society has prevented individuals from grieving and mourning effectively by conditions, stigmas, and conformity. Our society is ill equipped to assist in the healing process due to rules and roles of what the griever should or shouldn’t do or how to express oneself as well as what the gender should or shouldn’t be allowed to express.
Here’s where it gets a little tricky. A griever cannot THINK (brain) grief away. A griever must FEEL (heart) their grief and express it outward by mourning. There is a huge gap between the brain and the heart. Due to an ill-equipped society that tends to focus on THINKING for solutions, a griever is hindered, shunned, even shamed on FEELING towards healing.
Regardless of the gender role, rules and regulations society has placed expectations on others, all individuals have emotions. Through the healthy healing process of both grieving and mourning, a griever can eventually let go of the pain while keeping precious memories.
Love and JOY,
Emotional Wellness & Balance Center
Five Simple Choices Happy People Live by JOYfully!
1) Lighten Up – Carrying burdens such as guilt, judgement, anger, grief, resentment, jealously and more are all so heavy to your mind, body and soul. Lighten Up by letting go of that unnecessary weight. Free yourself of the responsibility and give up the ownership of what you cannot control.
2) Get a Grip – Hold on baby, it’s going to be a killer ride. Develop a strong foundation to handle the storms of life. Work on your foundation more and what sits on top less. Be less the roller-coaster and more the track. Choose what anchors you and develop your foundation.
3) Wipe The Slate Clean – No matter who or what has hurt or disappointed you start every morning start with a clean slate. A fresh new beginning, another chance, a do-over. For yourself. For your loved ones. What happened yesterday is not nearly as important as what happens right now. LOVE today.
4) Make Time for Solitude – When all is quiet, calm and suspended is when the listening begins. When the listening begins is when clarity and creativity flows.
5) Live with PAP© – Patience, Acceptance, Perspective – all three together help with the first four choices.
Here’s to your healing, growth, and happiness.
Love and JOY,
I’ve been using the law of attraction with my Create Your Beautiful Life Vision Board Workshops for years. Many celebrities and athletes as well as successful business leaders believe in this exercise of visualization and the principles behind the ‘law of attraction’. How you FEEL is WHAT you are going to ATTRACT. Our emotional wealth is vitally important. picture source:http://justgoodvibe.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/law-of-attraction-4.jpg
I share this article from business insider that sites the 12 ways the ‘law of attraction’ can improve your life.
12 Ways The ‘Law Of Attraction’ Can Improve Your Life
Psychologists, New Age thinkers and religious leaders have been talking about the Law Of Attraction for years, though it gained popularity again when the book “The Secret” made waves in 2006. The law is simply this: We attract whatever we think about, good or bad. Oprah is a fan of the law and devoted an episode of her show to how it could change lives. Whether or not you believe in the power of the universe, there is scientific research that proves the effects of positive thinking.
We’ve highlighted the most compelling elements from one of the most popular books on the topic, The Law of Attraction: The Basics of the Teachings of Abraham, by Esther and Jerry Hicks.
1. You attract good or bad experiences based on your thoughts.
“The one who speaks most about illness has illness. The one who speaks about prosperity has prosperity,” Esther and Jerry Hicks write. “You attract all of it.” By focusing on something, you make it happen.
2. Thinking about something means you invite it in, even if you don’t want it.
“When you think a little thought of something that you want, through the Law of Attraction, that thought grows larger and larger, and more and more powerful,” according to the book. So keep your thoughts positive.
3. The more you focus on something, the more powerful it becomes.
This allows you to create your own reality by “attracting” the experiences you want to have. You probably brought bad things upon yourself by worrying about them, according to the laws described in the book.
4. It’s better to trust your emotions than over-think a decision.
In other words: Listen to your intuition. Instead of overthinking your choices, let your emotions guide you toward what is right and what is wrong. This will result in a more satisfying life.
5. You can make good things happen more quickly by thinking about them more…
“Want” and “desire” consist of wanting “to focus attention, or give thought toward a subject, while at the same time experiencing positive emotion. When you give your attention to a subject and you feel only positive emotion about it as you do so, it will come very quickly into your experience,” the Hicks write.
6. To make a change, you’ve got to see things as you hope them to be, not as they are.
This is something that successful people know about. It’s also called visualization. Michael Phelps spoke about picturing himself winning every night before bed.
“In order to effect true positive change in your experience, you must disregard how things are — as well as how others are seeing you — and give more of your attention to the way you prefer things to be,” the book says.
7. You can increase your magnetic power by devoting time to “powerful thinking.” each day.
Spend 15 minutes every day thinking hard about your goals, dreams and what you want from life. The Hicks say this increases your chances for success.
8. Success isn’t a finite resource; everyone can have it.
Others being successful doesn’t limit your success. And by attracting abundance to yourself, you are not limiting another, according to the book.
9. Don’t allow yourself to wallow in disappointment.
Being disappointed only attracts more stuff to be upset about and is only a sign that you’re not getting what you want in life. So think about how to get what you want instead of what you don’t have.
10. Avoid TV shows that deal with negative experiences like crime or illness.
Letting this stuff in makes you think about it more and increases the odds it could happen to you. “Your attention to anything is drawing it closer to you,” they say.
11. Know that your relationships with people are bad because you made them that way.
Giving your attention to the negative can wreak havoc on personal relationships. This mentality can help free us from bad relationships with relatives or a spouse. “Nothing can come into your experience without your personal attraction to it,” they say.
12. Don’t worry about what you’re dreaming; instead use your dreams as a guide.
Dreams might provide some insight into the psyche, but you’re not in the process of “creating” while you’re asleep, the book says.
Cheers to your success and happiness as you incorporate the law of attraction into your lifestyle.
Love and JOY,
A Happy You ~ A Happy Life
Emotional Wellness & Balance Center